The immediate backup is Matt Cassel, who went 19-of-34 in the preseason, with 0 TDs and 1 interception.

I try to make it a policy not to celebrate injury, and even though I'm as put-off by the Patriots as anyone else, I would never applaud a Tom Brady injury, either.

However, I can't say the same for everyone else in the bar. I'd describe the mood here as "festive." From a Patriots fan point of view, though, I just got a text from my buddy Danks, a diehard Patriots fan, who is contemplating conceding the AFC East to the Jets.

For those of you new to The Marbles, welcome. Bookmark us at www.fromthemarbles.com, and come back tomorrow and every day for more NASCAR talk.

Jillian Barberie is giving me the weather while dressed like a common street prostitute. CBS is attempting to bludgeon me into watching TV shows that have zero possibility of being good. The Atlanta Falcons are dancing around in a huddle, woofing and screaming, as if things might go well for them over the next few months. Frank Caliendo is doing John Madden doing Elton John. Tom Jackson is walking around among animated Madden characters, and no one thinks that's weird in the least.

It is football Sunday. And I think it's beautiful.

Strap in and enjoy.

NHL previews are often superfluous collections of popular opinions that, in the end, usually have no relation to how life actually works out. Which makes using stereotypical high-school yearbook superlatives and awards the appropriate template for Puck Daddy's 2008-09 NHL season previews, presented throughout September.

Last Semester: Tenth in the Western Conference (40-34-8, 88 points). The abridged version: Bill Wirtz finally died and everything stopped sucking so much and got pretty cool again.

The unabridged (and much more sensitive to the Wirtz family) version: Dollar Bill's passing came at a time when the winds of change (cue Scorpions song) were blowing through the Windy City anyway. Rookies Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews broke through in their first seasons, both earning rookie of the year nominations with Kane as the winner of the Calder Trophy. Forward Patrick Sharp had a revelatory season, playing some of the best two-way hockey in the Central Division this side of Zetterberg. Everywhere you looked, there was positive inspiration in Chicago: From the play of fake-defenseman Dustin Byfuglien to the all-too-brief rallying cry from coach Denis Savard for his players to "Commit to the Indian."

But the tangible difference for the team after Wirtz's death was the change in management, as son Rocky quickly revised some of his dad's counterproductive polices on television blackouts, made amends with stars like Bobby Hull and Stan Mikita, announced such consumer-friendly events as a fan convention and hired Chicago Cubs president John McDonough to help usher in a new era of Blackhawks hockey.

Now that's change we can believe in!

Homecoming King (Top Player): Since we're going to speak about Toews in a moment, this is Kane's place to shine. When he was taken first overall, Kane looked more like the kind of kid who should be screaming for Gym Class Heroes at a TRL taping than the points leader for an NHL franchise. But his explosive speed and hockey sense were quickly evident in his rookie season, and his 21 goals and 72 points have elevated the expectations for rookies like Steven Stamkos. With the expected improvement of the Blackhawks' power play this season, expect an even bigger encore. Which, naturally, means Kane can have an even bigger pimp-hand when he's chasing international skirt. 

Most Likely To Succeed (Potential Breakout): We've been obsessed with trying to draw comparisons between linemates Kane and Jonathan Toews since they burst onto the scene. Kane as the ladies man, Toews as the mama's boy. Samwise and Frodo seemed to stick. But from a hockey perspective, it's not all that difficult to see them as a Sergei Fedorov and Steve Yzerman of a new generation.

Kane is an offensive dynamo; Toews is a little more stoic, a little more well-rounded player and unquestionably the better leader, as his newly minted captaincy will tell you. Recall that in the 13 years they played together in Detroit, Yzerman led Fedorov in points for six of them. Should these two spend the same stretch of time together in Chicago, we'd expect the same kind of jockeying for the stats page top spot. An injury short-circuited Toews's rookie season; but with 54 points in 64 games, expect him to have a huge numbers year -- if he can stay out of the press box.

Best Expulsion: (Addition by Subtraction): Yanic Perreault was an ancient (37) defensive center that needed to go in order for the youth movement to continue. Fans were rather split on the loss of free agent Jason Williams to the Atlanta Thrashers. On the one hand, he showed some serious offensive spark in his (admittedly contract) season, before an injury gobbled up several weeks. The problem is that Williams got $2.2 million from the Thrashers, and the Blackhawks are in a rather precarious cap position. The other problem is that Williams showed as much defense as a Roller Hockey International game. 

Exchange Students (Key New Additions): Here's what we said when rumors swirled about the Blackhawks signing UFA defenseman Brian Campbell:

"Campbell in Chicago is one of those perfect marriages -- puck-moving defenseman with 33 power-play points, coming to a team that was 24th in the NHL with the man advantage -- which naturally means it can't happen. But if it did, the jealously factor surrounding the Chicago Blackhawks would spike to Ryan Reynolds-is-dating-Scarlett-Johansson levels, if it hasn't already with Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews."

Perhaps it's been overshadowed by the tomfoolery surrounding Tampa Bay and the Hossa-to-Detroit stunner, but Campbell's eight-year, $56.8 million contract will be remembered as the most significant transaction of Summer 2008 whether it's a success or failure.

On paper, he's rather perfect, salary implications be damned: A puck-moving defenseman for a team that desperately needed one last season, and a veteran blue-liner who can lead a talented group of young defenseman like Brian Seabrook and Duncan Keith. The only danger signs here are if fans and media expect Campbell to play to his salary rather than to his abilities. Otherwise, he's not a shutdown guy but a great hitter with some great offensive upside, and he's a difference maker -- as the San Jose Sharks would tell you after they punched you in the face for mentioning Campbell's name.

If Campbell's signing was an indication that the Blackhawks have arrived, the signing of goalie Cristobal Huet to a four-year, $22.5 million UFA contract feels like overcompensation. Obviously eager to turn the page on Nikolai Khabibulin and content to allow Corey Crawford to hold the clipboard for a while, the Blackhawks inked a goalie that had as much to do as Ovechkin did in leading the Washington Capitals to the postseason. But that was in the second half of his walk year, and Huet has otherwise never established himself an elite goalie. A $5.625 cap hit for someone in a platoon seems a tad excessive.

Class Clowns (Pests and Puglists): Like any outsider attempting to climb up the caste ladder, the Blackhawks have a collection of pesky players who can piss you off in variety of ways. Sharp's tenacious defense and clutch offense. Campbell's ability to blow up an opponent with a check and then lead an offensive rush. Then there are players like Ben Eager and Adam Burish, who seemingly want to elevate agitation to an art form. Eager takes absolute joy in being one of the league's best pests. Burish led the team with 214 penalty minutes, and lives up to his college mascot with his badgering. He can also drop'em ... and by "'em" we of course mean Eric Nystrom, with one punch:

One of the team's other brawlers, defenseman James Wisniewski, is recovering from ACL surgery. Winger Andrew Ladd can also be pesky. In total, the Blackhawks had 57 fights last season.

Teacher of the Year: They've changed the players. They've changed management. They've changed the very course of the franchise in Chicago. The only thing they haven't changed is the coach, which makes this season a critical one for Denis Savard. He's in the final year of his contract; and rather than just commit to the Indian, management committed millions of dollars to putting this team in the postseason. If Chicago doesn't make the cut, Savard is toast. That's the prediction.

But the real teacher of the year is Scotty Bowman, who joined the Blackhawks as an advisor in one of the most stunning moves of the off-season. How much influence will he have on the ice or in the boardroom? No one can say. But the man knows a thing or two about the Detroit Red Wings, which will make those division games a little more competitive this season.

The Custodians (Goalies): Darren Dreger of TSN reported that Nikolai Khabibulin has been vocal about playing 60 games this season. Since the chances for that are about slim and none in Chicago, logic would dictate that The Bulin Wall will be moved to another city; a move that would also help with the Blackhawks' cap concerns.

Huet isn't an elite goaltender. He's a better than average keeper who showed last season that he can be outstanding for stretches. Is he an upgrade from Khabibulin? He's younger, and he's not a player from the Dollar Bill era. But he's also a goalie that's never started more than 39 games in a season.

Assuming Khabibulin is traded, Corey Crawford remains a very important part of this team's success.

The Hall Monitors (Defensemen): Campbell leads a very talented group. Seabrook and Keith are both solid; as Ross McKeon mentioned in his preview, Keith trailed only Florida's Jay Bouwmeester and Calgary's Dion Phaneuf for TOI last season. Brent Sopel adds veteran savvy, Wisniewski brings a physical presence when he's healthy, and players like Jordan Hendry, Cam Barker, Niklas Hjalmarsson, Doug Janik and Matt Walker are right in the mix as well.

The bottom line is that Seabrook/Keith and Campbell/Sopel are a solid foundation to build a young team around.

Coolest Class Trip: The Blackhawks will, of course, face off against the Detroit Red Wings at Wrigley Field on New Year's Day, in a game where scalping one ticket could pay for your entire season's worth of Chicago hockey. One thought: Has anyone reached out to Steve Bartman to drop the ceremonial first puck? Let the healing begin, Chicago!

Most Likely To Earn a Wedgie in the Hallway (Potential Flop): Huet's lack of workhorse experience is a concern, but Crawford could ease that tension. The spotlight's on Campbell, not only because of his contract but because his role is so clearly defined: Post the same kind of offensive numbers he did last season and turn the Chicago power-play into a winner. No one's asking him to turn into Rod Langway on the defensive end ... but he can't be Phil Housley, either.

But let's face it: Martin Havlat might as well change his uniform number to "?". His health, his contract status ... it all hangs around him like a cloud of dust around Pigpen from "Peanuts." Chicago's second line appears to be Byfuglien, an inconsistent Robert Lang and Havlat. That's as much a mystery as the first line is a sure-thing.

AV Club (Media): Ask some Blackhawks fans, and the return of beloved announcer Pat Foley to the team is just as big as signing Brian Campbell. He partners with Eddie Olczyk, whom we hope has insights that are as great as his hair one day.

Chris Kuc is a very solid beat man for the Chicago Tribune. Blackhawks Zone and The 300 Level give us everything we need to know about the team and the snark to back it up.

Toughest Class (Biggest Issue Facing the Team): The Bandwagon. Look, the Blackhawks are the flavor of the month. Some are predicting they'll not only make the playoffs, but win a round in the West. These predictions are made without concern about how Campbell plays under the weight of the contract, how the goaltending situation plays out, and whether or not the top line of Sharp-Toews-Kane can replicate last season, let alone improve upon it. People just like the idea of the best looking uniform in hockey getting back in the win column.

This team has some serious, exciting upside. There's no doubt about that. But it's selling tickets and getting attention based on that potential, and that's always a dangerous thing for a team that's still very green and playing in an astonishingly competitive conference.

Forget the Indian; commit to not buying into your own hype.

2008-09 Preseason Report Card:

Forwards: B- (pending the addition of another left winger)
Defense: A-
Goaltending: B+
Special Teams: B
Coaching: B-
Management: A-

Prom Theme: "Feels Like the First Time" by Foreigner. Not only because the Blackhawks are hoping that their rookies avoid a sophomore slump, but let's face it: We could be seeing the baby-steps of a franchise trying to win its first Stanley Cup since 1961.

Expected Graduation: OK, after all of that: Will the Chicago Blackhawks make the Western Conference playoffs?

Take a look at last season's Western Conference qualifiers. Who's dropping out? Nashville? Colorado? Calgary? Could Minnesota take a huge step back? The fact is that Chicago came within three points of the playoffs last season with a team that was too young and dumb to know they weren't supposed to contend that quickly. So to answer the question: Yes, the Chicago Blackhawks will make the playoffs this season. Which means you should get on the bandwagon now before everyone takes their places.

It's an exciting time for hockey in Chicago. Not only because the team is good, but because you just want to root for these guys, don't you?

That's pretty rare company for East Carolina, and from here on there will be no avoiding speculation about the Pirates' prospects of raiding one of the big money bowls in January (aside from the presumably cushy C-USA schedule, the only remaining non-conference games are against no-scoring ACC stiffs N.C. State and Virginia) and making Skip Holtz a very, very rich man, one way or the other.

Before we get ahead of ourselves, though, take in exactly what ECU did to West Virginia Saturday: in the first place, the Pirates held on to the ball offensively, "winning" time of possession by a gaping eleven and a half minutes, including four different drives that drained at least six minutes off the clock; even though WVU's rushing numbers look alright on paper (the Mountaineers averaged exactly 5.0 per carry as a team, and Noel Devine averaged a sky high 7.8 on a dozen runs), a pair of fumbles and the steady, turnover-free Pirate offense meant the 'Neer attack didn't have as many opportunities to break free, and by the second half Pat White was forced into trying to chuck his team out of the hole from the pocket, with predictable results. This was exactly the post-Rod nightmare West Virginians swore Bill Stewart's hiring did not portend: the Mountaineers were held without a touchdown for the first time since 2001, Rich Rodriguez's first year in Morgantown, and stopped short of 300 total yards for only the second time since White took over as the starting quarterback in 2005 (the first time was last year's regular season finale against Pittsburgh). And how many players can you name off the Pirate defense? Pierre Bell, Van Eskridge and C.J. Wilson may not be on your radar now, individually, but just give them another couple months.

- - -
Games I Watched:

• Florida 26, Miami 3
The Gators did enough in the fourth quarter -- 196 yards and 17 points on the last four possessions, including back-to-back drives of 86 and 95 yards -- to salvage a sense of 'mission accomplished,' but the first three quarters essentially belonged to an extremely young Miami squad that did exactly what it needed to do to leave feeling good about itself: the Canes clearly frustrated the Florida offense, pressured and hit Tim Tebow, and turned the game into a slog with long, clock-draining drives. The nearly nine-minute, 16-play drive Robert Marve engineered in the first half was a regressive, cloud-of-dust masterpiece, only netting three points on the board but stopping Florida's early momentum cold: the Gators' next five possessions ended punt, punt, punt, punt, punt.

That said, once UF's offensive line got a grasp on Miami's pass rush -- which was probably wearing down at that point, as well -- and Tebow had a little time, the Gators were every bit as explosive as advertised, and the Canes couldn't even pretend to have an answer for that; the game was over at 16-3, and if they hadn't lined up in the wrong formation later on, Tebow's long, negated touchdown pass to Louis Murphy in the fourth quarter might have eliminated whatever sense of progress the Canes built through the first three by pushing the score to 30-3. An e-mailer lightly chided me for using the word "swagger" in writing about this game Friday, but without having a legitimate chance to win, I think that's exactly what Miami was playing for, and what it largely achieved -- defensively, anyway, UM should have walked out of the Swamp feeling better about itself than when it went in, and the way the ACC is shaping up, it won't take much offense to make a serious run at the conference title, anyway.

• Ohio State 26, Ohio U. 14
I may be in the minority, but the Buckeyes' struggles here don't bother me much. That's not to say OSU didn't play poorly, which it clearly did -- Ohio U. was still within five points in the fourth quarter after committing four turnovers, each of which should have rung out like a nail being driven into a coffin -- and it's not that I think Chris Wells means that much by himself. There's still a very good chance Beanie won't be himself next week in the Coliseum.

But I got a distinct sense of rope-a-dope, which strikes me as part of Jim Tressel's M.O. -- his best teams in 2002 (against Purdue and Illinois) and 2006 (Illinois) had god awful, skin-of-the-teeth performances against much inferior teams immediately prior to winning their biggest games, and by the time I turned this one on in the second half, the jig was most definitely up. When the Buckeyes decided they needed to go ahead and roll out of bed for this team, they handled the Bobcats pretty easily: see 20 unanswered points following Ohio's fumble recovery in the end zone to go up 14-6 around the nine-minute mark of the third quarter. Botched shotgun snaps and the like will get OSU beat next week, of course, but the biggest concern -- other than USC, in general -- is still Wells' toe. Is there stock available in Buckeye State Novacaine Ltd?

• BYU 28, Washington 27
The storyline for this game will forever be "Washington got jobbed," and I agree -- there are situations where the spirit of the law trumps the letter, and the fate of the game-tying extra point with two seconds remaining is one of those situations; the best judgment in that case is to ignore a bad rule that no one would have paid the slightest attention to, anyway -- but the Huskies might have a little bit better complaint if they'd come close to slowing down the Cougar offense. BYU outgained U-Dub by 140 yards, converted an incredible 12 of 14 third downs, and if not for losing a goal line fumble at the end of a 97-yard drive early in the fourth quarter, would have never been in a position to take a game by quasi-crook. And they did block the decisive extra point, after all, just like they did to beat UCLA on the last play of last year's Las Vegas Bowl. If you ask me which team deserved to win this game, it's BYU, without a doubt.

• Auburn 27, Southern Miss 13
The Eagles came on a bit in the second half, but in reality were never in this game, despite covering the 17.5-point spread and turning in a moderately competitive box score. In fact, it should have been much worse: Auburn fumbled twice inside the red zone on its first two possessions, once in the end zone, and had two touchdowns called back on penalties in the third quarter. It's a minor miracle the USM defense was able to buckle down against the Tiger running game, which gashed Southern early, but Chris Todd rebounded from his terrible opener against UL-Monroe with a parade of open receivers who ran for 248 yards, mostly after the catch. Damion Fletcher never had any room to operate on the ground (2.2 per carry, after averaging 10 last week against UL-Lafayette), and from my point of view, USM is lucky to have scored at all. You know, Auburn looks like Auburn, and the Eagles suddenly just hope they can stay on the field with East Carolina.

Box Scorin'.
Making sense of what I (mostly) didn't see.

• Michigan 16, Miami of Ohio 6. Like Ohio State, I think the Wolverines should be satisfied enough with getting out of this thing with a comfortable win, although it's clear Michigan's offense is in big trouble for the long haul. This time, Utah goat Nick Sheridan came off the bench and outplayed Steven Threet, but the passing game was still a dismal, screen-heavy effort, the longest gain of the day coming on a catch-and-run by Martavious Odoms into the flat that owes more to Miami's safety overrunning the play than any acumen by Threet. Freshman running backs Sam McGuffie and Michael Shaw were vastly more promising than against Utah (Shaw only had two carries, but for 30 and 15 yards), but this is a one-dimensional attack in the worst possible way -- even a bowl game seems like a stretch if not for the defense, which is shaping up as fairly outstanding.

• UConn 12, Temple 9 (OT). The Huskies failed to score a touchdown in regulation and were abysmal in the passing game -- Tyler Lorenzen was just 10 of 22 for 86 yards and an interception -- but for a few hours, prior to Pitt and USF's late victories, this was the premiere win by any team in the Big East to date. Give them this, at least: UConn pushed the Owls around physically, paving the way for Donald Brown to grind out 214 hard-earned yards on 36 carries, with a long of just 19, despite the lack of air support from Lorenzen. I don't know how much solace that is, unless you consider that no other team in the conference has looked much better.

• Georgia Tech 19, Boston College 16. Tech ran 40 times, but almost half its yardage came on two carries: a 43-yard run by Jonathan Dwyer and a 30-yard run by Josh Nesbitt. Otherwise, the Jacket offense didn't do much good. But Boston College had to settle for field goals in scoring position -- three of them in the first four possessions, along with a punt in Tech territory on the other. Paul Johnson's flexbone was far less effective than in the opener, but the ACC's going to have a lot of games like this: Tech finished one more drive in the end zone, and that was good enough.

• Akron 42, Syracuse 28. Someone just put Greg Robinson out of his misery, please. Akron -- this is Akron, which is Akron -- jumped out to a 14-0 lead, and after 'Cuse rallied to tie it at 28 in the fourth quarter, the Zips tacked on two late touchdowns to put the Orange away. The legendary Chad Jacquemine completed 20 of 26 passes en route to leading Akron to 478 yards total offense, and if there was a bottom to the abyss, surely SU has hit it with a sickening thud.

• Wake Forest 30, Ole Miss 28. You can go two ways with this one: on the bright side for the Rebels, Ole Miss, SEC afterthought, played possibly the best team in the ACC to the final play, with a legitimate chance to win on a dramatic last minute touchdown. Then again, for Wake and ACC haters, it's an SEC afterthought taking the best team in the ACC to the final play, and the Deacs needed three turnovers to hang in the game and a borderline pass interference call to set up the winning field goal. Riley Skinner was generally outstanding, but another year of Last Second Swank doesn't instill a whole lot of confidence.

• Arizona State 41, Stanford 17. So much for the Cardinal turnaround. Not only was opening week victim Oregon State destroyed in merciless fashion by Penn State, but Stanford looked like the old, hapless Stanford: the running game was stagnant, and the offense cycled through three quarterbacks who combined to complete a lousy 14 of 31 with three interceptions. The defense, meanwhile, was picked clean by Rudy Carpenter, who was picked once but otherwise turned in a flawless night, leading ASU to points on seven of its first nine drives. And on the two it didn't score, it moved the ball (31 yards and 43 yards, respectively) before turning it over, setting up ten of the Cards' 17 points. Seems both of these teams are about what we thought they were coming into the year -- and Oregon State is much, much worse.

• Alabama 20, Tulane 6. Regression of the day: Alabama, off destroying Clemson in the season's most impressive debut, eked out a mere 172 yards, and only one drive longer than 30, against one of the rock-bottom defenses of one of the rock-bottom defensive conferences. Two of the Tide's three touchdowns were special teams scores in the first quarter, a long punt return by Javier Arenas and a blocked punt run in for six, and with a safe lead, the offense completely shut down. So whether a brick like this puts Bama back at square one, I don't know. But it doesn't help anything.

By the Numbers.
The week in wild statistics.
- - -
Navy ran for 346 yards but allowed three touchdown passes over 30 yards in a 35-23 loss at Ball State. . . . Javon Ringer ran for five touchdowns in Michigan State's win over Eastern Michigan, the longest from six yards out. . . . Wisconsin completed eight passes for longer than 20 yards in a win over Marshall. . . . Illinois ran for 399 yards but also allowed 183 on the gorund to Eastern Illinois' Travorus Best. . . . Iowa gained 512 total yards against Florida International, the Hawkeyes' highest total since late 2006 against Minnesota. . . . Nebraska was slightly outgained by San Jose State and allowed 7.1 per carry to the Spartans' top three running backs in a 35-12 win (but only 14-9 entering the fourth quarter). . . . Tyrod Taylor was sacked three times in eight attempts in Virginia Tech's win over Furman. . . . True freshman Ben DeLine hit three fourth quarter field goals, the last on the final snap of the game, to lift Colorado State over I-AA Sacramento State, 23-20. . . . Oregon rolled up 688 total yards on Utah State, over 400 on the ground, in a 66-24 win. . . . After being shut out last week against Kentucky, Louisville's offense gained 451 yards and scored 37 of the Cardinals' 51 points in a blowout over Tennessee Tech. . . . Colorado scored 17 points in the fourth quarter to overtake Eastern Washington, 31-24, the winning margin on an interception return. . . . Clemson rebounded with a 28-point win but allowed 427 yards to the Citadel. . . . Cal gashed Washington State for 391 yards rushing on almost 10 yards per carry in a 66-3 laugher. . . . TCU outrushed Stephen F. Austin 320 yards to 3 in a 67-7 rout. . . . Arkansas State ran for 440 yards and completed 9 of 10 passes in an 83-10 obliteration of Texas Southern. . . . Chase Daniel completed 16 of 17 passes and his backup, Chase Patton, hit 7 of 8 in Missouri's cakewalk over SE Missouri State. . . . Tulsa's David Johnson passed for 418 yards and six touchdowns with no interceptions in the Hurricanes' win over North Texas, making him the nation's highest rated passer for the second week in a row. . . .

Aaaaand your Stat of the Week: Oklahoma State gained 699 total yards in a win over Houston, on 9.7 per play, and had drives of 65, 67, 80, 75, 86, 82, 62 and 58 yards. In the third quarter, the Cowboys scored 28 points on 20 offensive snaps.

Feel free to stop by Sunday Scene throughout the day. There will be updates.

Also, Pianowski and I will be lurking in the chat window over at Fantasy Football Live today. (We threatened to launch a competing show; this is the uneasy compromise). We'll be available to answer the graduate-level questions that lesser experts dread. 

Look, we know any serious analysis of this photo from director Kevin Smith's upcoming "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" has been short-circuited by the presence of Darryl from "The Office," Randall from "Clerks" and perhaps the film's most important co-stars, Katie Morgan's breasts.

But check out Traci Lords (!) on the far right, operating the boom mic in this film shoot -- a boom fashioned out of an old hockey stick. Wicked.

Smith's movies have consistently had a hockey vibe throughout his career, from the rooftop game in "Clerks" to Banky's emasculation of the Hartford Whalers in "Chasing Amy" to the skating hockey demons in "Dogma." In "Zack and Miri," starring Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks, we get a full-fledged fictitious hockey team called the Monroeville Zombies. It's named in honor of the Monroeville Mall, where the original and socially relevant "Dawn of the Dead" took place.

Smith's new film is due out on Oct. 31. And god-willing, the devout New Jersey Devils fan will again turn his attention to hockey blogging, after suggesting last season that women withhold sex from misogynistic Rangers fans.

(P.S. We have no idea why Jason Mewes (second from left) looks like Hayden Christensen. But we can only hope this is addressed in the film with a "Where's Jar-Jar?" reference.)

September is baseball's silly season. MLB clubs go into experiment mode and add players en masse to the roster. Player shut-downs get announced on a daily basis. Postponed games between also-rans don't always get made up. And of course 72 percent of the fantasy crowd leaves the room, captivated by the machine that is the NFL.

I'm glad you're still with us, though. You're either in the hunt for end-of-year glory or too competitive to settle for your current standing, and I like that. I'm wired the same way. Let's run by some people on the final lap.

Here's what you need to know about Week 24, starting Monday:

It's a very unbalanced schedule, that's the big story off the top. The Blue Jays and Indians get eight games to work with, while the Mets and Nationals play just five. The bigger names from the Mets and Nationals still have to be used in most formats, I suppose, but the game count becomes very important with lesser options. Say yes to Joe Inglett and Shin-Soo Choo, and think twice about Willie Harris and the Mets bullpen. (Maybe a harder sell on Choo is appropriate; look at his zesty numbers over the last month or so.)

Teams With Eight Games Next Week (Sept. 8-14):

Blue Jays (at Chicago 4, at Boston 4)

Indians (at Baltimore 4, Kansas City 4).

It's not always clear which players will get double-dip treatment when a doubleheader comes, but nonetheless it's hard to ignore the siren's call of an eight-game week.

Teams With Seven Games (AL clubs listed first):

Angels (New York 3, Seattle 4)

Athletics (at Detroit 3, Texas 4)

Orioles (Cleveland 4, Minnesota 3)

Red Sox (Tampa Bay 3, Toronto 4, good week to be Hub-invested)

Royals (at Minnesota 3, at Cleveland 4)

White Sox (Toronto 4, Detroit 3)

Astros (Pittsburgh 4, Chicago 3)

Brewers (Cincinnati 3, at Philadelphia 4, bat-friendly)

Giants (Arizona 3, at San Diego 4, pitcher-friendly all the way)

Padres (Los Angeles 3, San Francisco 4, another pitcher's delight)

Phillies (Florida 3, Milwaukee 4, all in a bandbox)

Pirates (at Houston 4, St. Louis 3)

Teams With Six Games:

Mariners (Texas 2, at Los Angeles 4)

Rangers (at Seattle 2, at Oakland 4)

Rays (at Boston 3, at New York 3)

Tigers (Oakland 3, at Chicago 3)

Twins (Kansas City 3, at Baltimore 3)

Yankees (at Los Angeles 3, Tampa Bay 3)

Braves (Colorado 3, at New York 3)

Cardinals (Chicago 3, at Pittsburgh 3)

Cubs (at St. Louis 3, at Houston 3)

Diamondbacks (at San Francisco 3, Cincinnati 3)

Dodgers (at San Diego 3, at Colorado 3, interesting contrast)

Marlins (at Philadelphia 3, Washington 3)

Reds (at Milwaukee 3, at Arizona 3)

Rockies (at Atlanta 3, Los Angeles 3)

Teams With Five Games:

Mets (Washington 2, Atlanta 3)

Nationals (at New York 2, at Florida 3)

Now let's get to the double dippers on the mound, with one caveat. The second start in any week is something you write in pencil; you never know when weather, injury, or a manager's whim could change things. Stay alert.

AL Two-Start Pitchers

1. A.J. Burnett (at Chi, at Bos): AL's top strikeout guy in second half, and don't sweat Fenway, he's done well there.
2. Felix Hernandez (Tex, LA): Useful in six of last seven turns.
3. Javier Vazquez (Tor, Det): He's pitched better in second half than surface stats indicate.
4. John Danks (Tor, Det): Ignore last turn, he was solid in August.
5. Jon Lester (TB, Tor): Does his best work at Fenway (8-1, 2.87).
6. Jered Weaver (NY, Sea): Makes return after finger injury from "dugout mishap."
7. Nick Blackburn (KC, at Bal): Orioles haven't seen him yet, which helps.
8. Fausto Carmona (at Bal, KC): Results inching forward but command hasn't really returned yet.
9. Edwin Jackson (at NY, at Bos): The AL East, tough place to make your living.
10. Dana Eveland (at Det, Tex): Two tough assignments in an up-and-down year.
11. Jesse Litsch (at Chi, at Bos): Pitching-to-contact a risky game in those parks.
12. Jeremy Guthrie (Cle, Min): Back into prove-it mode after dead arm period.
13. Jon Garland (NY, Sea): No strikeout support, at the mercy of where those ground-balls shoot to.
14. Dustin Nippert (at Sea, at Oak): Off two good turns and he does work in friendly locales.
15. Zach Miner (Oak, at Chi): Peripherals don't support the ERA, be careful here.
16. Brian Bannister (at Min, at Cle): He'll be on my deep sleeper list next year.  
17. Gio Gonzalez (at Det, Tex): Still learning to crawl.
18. Jeremy Sowers (at Bal, KC): Stream your hitters against him.
19. Carl Pavano (at LA, TB): Not anywhere near my circle of trust yet.

NL Two-Start Pitchers

1. Tim Lincecum (Ari, at SD): The Cy Apparent, with Brandon Webb fading.
2. Ryan Dempster (at Stl, at Hou): Funky second half, ERA dip despite rising WHIP.
3. Edinson Volquez (at Mil, at Ari): Tricky slate and it's been a trick-or-treat second half.
4. Oliver Perez (Was, Atl): Wildness has returned but that's a good draw.
5. Randy Wolf (Pit, Chi): Like Wandy Rodriguez, he's liking the home Houston cooking.
6. Aaron Cook (at Atl, LA): Mechanics have collapsed in second half.
7. Joe Blanton (Fla, Mil): He's been solid in Philly but don't get cocky.  
8. Jeff Suppan (Cin, at Phi): He's been useful of late, but I never trust long-term here.
9. Greg Maddux (at SD, at Col): Too risky for the thin air these days.  
10. Anibal Sanchez (at Phi, Was): He's been knocked around in three straight (21 hits, 14 runs).
11. Dave Bush (Cin, at Phi): Lately he's been ERA-fortunate, reserving a career trend to the contrary.
12. Barry Zito (Ari, at SD): This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no fooling around.
13. Doug Davis (at SF, Cin): Best hope seems to be 6 IP, 3 ER.
14. Kyle Kendrick (Fla, Mil): Gets the most he can out of modest stuff.
15. Jorge Campillo (Col, at NY): Running out of steam, and I don't trust his offense.
16. Ian Snell (at Hou, Stl): Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
17. Brandon Backe (Pit, Chi): Grab a bat and dig in.
18. Cha Seung Baek (LA, SF): Not even the park can't save him.

Vera, Pick Up!

Guys to consider adding, if they're out there to grab:

AL-only or Deep Mixed: Daric Barton, Mark Kotsay, Rajai Davis, Dustin Nippert, Ryan Rowland-Smith.

NL-only or Deep Mixed: Felipe Lopez, Kelly Johnson, Max Scherzer (starts Sunday), Sean Marshall, a random Nationals guy, Jeff Keppinger, Nate Schierholtz.

Shallow or Moderate Mixed: Shin-Soo Choo, Adam Jones, Brandon Morrow (hurry up), Casey Blake, Pablo Sandoval, Nick Swisher, Lyle Overbay.

Good luck with those weekly decisions, friends; point straight, click true. Need some help in daily leagues? Closing Time has you covered.

A tisket. A tasket. Watch out for Hank Baskett.

Last season, novice fanatics cannonballed into free agent pools to obtusely pick up Eagles receiver Jason Avant after the then second-year wideout unpredictably snagged three passes for 54 yards and a score Week 1 in Green Bay. Although his 11.4 fantasy point outburst was a top-twenty WR performance, he failed to eclipse seven fantasy points in a contest the remainder of the season.

In a way, Avant was the Young MC of 2007's opening weekend.

This year, fellow Philly flapper, Baskett, is in a similar position to "Bust a Move."

With Kevin Curtis out and Reggie Brown expected to stand stationary on the sideline with a disgusted look washed over his face, Baskett, and rookie DeSean Jackson, are poised to see significant targets from Donovan McNabb. Jackson, who is already owned in over 74 percent of Y! leagues (started in 23%), is the obvious plug n' play in 12-team and deeper formats as a No. 3. But for those who relish the challenge of scantily clad leagues, the three percent-owned Baskett could be heaven sent.

Known for his deceptive wheels, the third-year wideout will be able to gain appreciable separation against a Rams secondary that yielded the fourth-most fantasy points to receivers a season ago. Given his wiry 6-foot-4, 220-pound frame he could sneak a critical score for your squad. The 26-year-old is even upbeat about his chances of making a grand first impression:

"I'm feeling very confident right now. It was a pretty good off-season for me and a good training camp."

Fantasy Shallow Hal's (10-team and smaller leagues) shouldn't bother with Baskett. But for those counting on questionable tertiary receivers (e.g. Ronald Curry, Drew Bennett and Robert Meachem), the former Lobo could pack a vicious bite.

Fearless Forecast: 5 receptions, 64 yards, 1 touchdown

Who's your "Shocker Special" this week? Post your selection with projection in the comments section below.

--

Image courtesy of US Presswire

Miami has its alibi: an untenably young roster that fought about as hard as it could be expected to in one of the most adverse environments it could have faced. For the last quarter, at least, Florida looked like a mythical championship contender is supposed to look: the Gators scored 17 unanswered and planted game but overmatched rookie Robert Marve.

Until then, though, the rest of the ACC looked at Miami's defense and thought, "Uh oh." For a 23-point margin, that one felt like a slugfest.

- - -
Photo via Getty Images.

East Carolina's 2-0 over a pair of top 20 teams, this one by a mile. That's the same number of games it won against anybody the season before Skip Holtz took over. There's just something in that DNA, I guess.

- - -
Photo of Jonathan Williams via the Associated Press. Scroll down for the ongoing live blog/open thread.

NHL previews are often superfluous collections of popular opinions that, in the end, usually have no relation to how life actually works out. Which makes using stereotypical high-school yearbook superlatives and awards the appropriate template for Puck Daddy's 2008-09 NHL season previews, presented throughout September.

Last Semester: Ninth in the Eastern Conference (43-33-6, 92 points), battling through some significant injuries (and one blockbuster trade) to come very close to being swept by Montreal in the first round of the playoffs.

Then things got a little weird: GM Jim Rutherford refused to give coach Peter Laviolette a vote of confidence after the season, prompting speculation he could be fired; in which case, he would have been snatched up quicker than a warm Budweiser at a NASCAR tailgate. After a meeting with Hartford's 1997 Citizen of the Year Peter Karmanos, it was revealed that Laviolette would remain with the team. At least for this season. (Cue ominous organ music here.)

Homecoming King (Top Player): Eric Staal, forward. Going from 45 goals and 100 points to 30 goals and 70 points, Staal's 2006-07 season was considered a letdown. Going from 30 goals and 70 points to 38 goals and 82 points last season was considered a rebound for Staal. Bottom line is that the guy is a star and the current face of the franchise, no matter how Rod Brind'Amour's nose is attention-diverting. The tentative plan is to have Staal play with Ray Whitney (25-36-61 in 66 games) and Justin Williams, who was limited to 37 games last season but had back-to-back 30-goal campaigns before that. Most intriguing: Staal is in his RFA walk year.

Most Likely To Succeed (Potential Breakout): Joni Pitkanen, defenseman. Call it the Joe Corvo Theory: In 23 games last season with the Hurricanes, the former Ottawa defenseman tallied 21 points, including 13 on the power play (where Carolina was ninth in the NHL). Assuming Pitkanen, acquired from the Edmonton Oilers for Erik Cole this summer, is established as a top-pairing defenseman for the Canes, he could surpass his career-best totals in points (45) and power-play points (19) this season. Durability is a concern, however.

Best Expulsion: (Addition by Subtraction): Unless you're a John Grahame hater, there's really no significant advantage in the Hurricanes' roster deletions from last season. Glen Wesley's retirement means one less sage in the locker room. The somewhat enigmatic Jeff Hamilton signed with the Chicago Wolves this week. And the team is going to miss Erik Cole in a major way when it's desperately looking for a kick in the ass during the season. But if the notion was that this team needed a personality transplant after missing the postseason in the two seasons following its Stanley Cup championship, shipping off Cole was one of the most dramatic ways to meet that end.

Exchange Students (Key New Additions): Pitkanen could fit right into the Carolina system, just as long as fans realize there are times when his defense resembles a red carpet laid down on the ice to welcome opposing forwards. Also helping to ease the losses of Glen Wesley and Bret Hedican are Anton Babchuk, back after one season with Omsk in the Russian Super League (they get a Jagr, we get Anton Babchuk ... sigh), and Josef Melichar, who may still have pieces of Rob Ray's knuckles buried in his face.

The Canes also signed goalie Michael Leighton, he of the 98-save performance last season. And please note the potential addition of Brandon Sutter, keeping the Menudo of hockey alive for another generation.

Class Clowns (Pests and Puglists): The official team slogan for the Carolina Hurricanes appears to be "Our Team, Our Tradition." Which must have narrowly beat out "We will bug the living [expletive] out of you." They're a team of tenacious players that are willing to go to the corners and battle (occasionally hitting the ice to draw a call or two); a collection of flat-out pests at times. Which makes this unintentionally hilarious.

Leading the way is the Puck Daddy-approved Chad LaRose, who we learned this off-season is a rather lousy baseball pitcher who also despises both the violin and little girls that play it.

The Canes had 44 fighting majors last season, although some of the players who dropped their gloves with frequency -- Mike Commodore, Andrew Ladd, Craig Adams -- have now departed. Defensemen like Tim Gleason and Tim Conboy and winger Wade Brookbank  picked up the slack, but the team's leader in pugilism is Scott Walker, as Matt Bradley discovered last season:

Voted Most Likely To Attract Weirdness: Tuomo Ruutu, forward. Perhaps the only player in the NHL whose been falsely accused of robbing an apartment building, had serious grammatical problems on his hockey card and played Guitar Hero on a Megadeath song. And that's not even mentioning the Snickers commercial. A good third-line player, but is he ever going to get back to his rookie season numbers again?

Teacher of the Year: The moment the Hurricanes decide to cut Peter Laviolette will be the moment the franchise takes a dramatic new direction, which will either be a good thing or a bad thing. For now, Carolina has one of the most respected men in the NHL coaching community behind the pine. 

The Custodians (Goalies): Cam Ward's numbers improved after his post-Conn Smythe malaise, although they're still not all that stellar (his 2.75 put him right behind Vesa Toskala who, if you'll remember, played for the Leafs). Fans have begun to scapegoat him. He's an RFA in two years, so this season is a key one for Ward.

The Hall Monitors (Defensemen): Seeing a Carolina Hurricanes defense without Glen Wesley is like waking up to find that Kelly Ripa has gone solo on the Regis show. The team is going to miss that steady hand. But give Rutherford credit for aggressively attempting to reconfigure this season, starting with last season's trade for Corvo and this off-season's additions of Pitkanen, Melichar and Babchuk. The physical Tim Gleason will play a key role, and holdovers Frantisek Kaberle, Dennis Seidenberg and Niclas Wallin provide quality depth.

Most Likely To Earn a Wedgie in the Hallway (Potential Flop): We've never been in the Sergei Samsonov fan club, a player who needs a free-agent contract for motivation like a racing dog needs a mechanical bunny. His 32 points in 38 games were outstanding last season; now it's just a matter of whether his spiffy three-year deal takes the edge off. The Canes desperately need him to juice a second scoring line, most likely with Brind'Amour and Patrick Eaves.  

AV Club (Media): John Forslund and Tripp Tracy are the local voices. Carolina fans raised hell when writer/blogger Luke DeCock of the News & Observer was taken off the Hurricanes beat (somewhat) and replaced with Chip Alexander, who immediately endeared himself to fans by revealing he knows more about college basketball than hockey. Among the Canes blogs we read: Canes Country, CasonBlog, Carolina on Ice, Red and Black Hockey and The Acid Queen.

Toughest Class (Biggest Issue Facing the Team): Trying. To. Stay. Healthy. The manpower games lost last season by Carolina were significant and devastating. The Hurricanes played through them valiantly, but losing Brind'Amour or Williams or Whitney or even a newcomer like Pitkanen for significant time will dig this team a hole. Luckily, they're in the Southeast, so the hole will never be that deep.

2008-09 Preseason Report Card:
Forwards: B-
Defense: B
Goaltending: C+
Special Teams: B-
Coaching: A-
Management: C+

Prom Theme: "Paint it Black" by the Rolling Stones. The Hurricanes are joining the detestable black jersey trend with a new alternate sweater. And only a decade after the decline of Gangsta Rap no less! No doubt, the idea is to make the Carolina Hurricanes look like the Oakland Raiders-on-skates, intimidating opponents with their dark and menacing uniforms. Yup, and Avril Lavigne was a skater punk, too.

Expected Graduation: The Hurricanes will be the second team out of the Southeast Division to make the Stanley Cup playoffs in the Eastern Conference, battling the Washington Capitals for the division title. They're a solid team with some chemistry questions, but if healthy they can make the postseason cut.

But paper, as we know, is made to burn. Well, it's not made to burn, but of course it does, quite easily, and never so readily as on a weekend like this one. So somewhere among Cincinnati-Oklahoma, Oregon State-Penn State, West Virginia-East Carolina, Stanford-Arizona State, maybe even Florida-Miami, there are some surprises. And if you're in one of the parts of the country that's getting the Raycom'd Georgia Tech-Boston College clash, the game with the most direct implications on its face, count your regionally syndicated blessings today.

And if it really is as rough as it looks, there's always the live blog to spice things up. See, this is why we're here for you.

What: Weekend live blog. Comments welcomed, all games in play.
When: 11:45 a.m. Eastern, give or take, and running throughout the day.
Why: If you're enjoying the game you're watching, discover how much joy exists in spreading the love. If you're not enjoying it, discover how much joy exists in making fun of struggling youths in a public forum.
Who: You, sucker! Bestow upon us your wisdom and other sublimities. It's a good time.

IGN lavishes praise on the game's "Be a Pro" mode and really puts over the game's online multi-player "EA Sports Hockey League" invention. ("Every player on the ice is human-controlled (including the goalie, which is surprisingly fun) and it makes for some of the best hockey seen in video games.") Heck, even Gary Thorne and Bill Clement get their due. The closing argument, from IGN writer Nate Ahearn:

NHL 09 isn't just a great hockey game, it's one of the best sports games to be released in the last decade. It takes the right analog stick controls first pioneered in last year's game and pushes them forward ever so slightly while pouring on features that everyone from newbies to diehards will appreciate. The only question remaining is how they'll follow this sports game of the year contender once next season rolls around.

Three words: Valkyries and wizards. Seriously, it's the only place this series has left to go on the scale of kick-ass. Unless it decides to add a "Be a Spy Hunter" mode for NHL 10.

Despite retiring in January, Hall of Fame coach Joe Gibbs is still associated with the Redskins, so it figures he would have caught Thursday's season-opener in some capacity. But during the first game the Redskins have played without him in five years, Gibbs chose not to watch, delivering a speech at the Republican National Convention in Minnesota instead. Really.

It's a standard Gibbs speech: folksy, amusing at points, self-deprecating, filled with lots of abbreviated chuckles and, above all, containing a plethora of references to the man upstairs. Gibbs is nothing if not devout in his faith. He doesn't mention that evening's game, but does begin his speech by mentioning that he and his family grew to love Minnesota in 1992 when the Redskins won the Super Bowl there.

The talk is one Gibbs has given before, likely in the Redskins locker room. (He doesn't use a teleprompter and barely looks at his notes.) While it went over great with the Republicans, it's hard to imagine how the talk on following a chosen path of righteousness went over with 24-year olds making $3 million per year. 

Tropical Storm Hanna touches down the Eastern Seaboard this weekend and could wash out the double-header with Baltimore and Oakland Saturday (in addition to action in other parks). Sunday isn't an option for the Baltimore games (the Ravens opener is the reason Saturday's twin-ball came in the first place), so our cutesy plan to stream like crazy here might wash down the drain. Make a couple of extra minutes if you can and be alert with those last-minute choices.

If you have to set things up in advance, I'd assume they won't play two in Baltimore, and they might not even play one. But I'm no weatherman and I never played one on TV. I'm not promising anything. (If the games do float away, make sure you don't blame this chick. She had nothing to do with it.)

Okay, let's head back to the field:

• I feel a little cheesy burying the Brandon Morrow starting debut behind a weather update, but he's been documented in this blog plenty (tip your cap to Bradley). I hope you caught some of the video of his electric start against the Yanks, it was time well spent. Morrow took a no-hitter into the eighth, settling for a one-hit gem over 7.2 innings (1 R, 3 BB, 8 K); we knew he had power stuff, but we also saw a darting curveball from him Friday. His excited teammates doused Morrow in beer while he met the media; baby, you're a big star now. "When you have stuff like that and you can locate with that stuff, you're going to shut down a lot of lineups," an impressed Joe Girardi told the AP.

The schedule lines up nicely for Morrow down the stretch: he'll get the Angels once (who have little incentive these days), then a super-friendly finish (one KC turn, two against Oakland). This guy better not be sitting on your waiver wire 24 hours from now.

• I have nothing to say about the Carlos Quentin news (wrist surgery Monday) except "man, that sucks for his owners." Oh, and for White Sox fans. Did Chicago tick off the Baseball Gods or something the last week or two? Nick Swisher and Ken Griffey Jr. pick up more time with Quentin out, not that mixed leaguers can do much with them. There's a chance Quentin could make it back at the end of the month, but that sounds awfully optimistic to me.  

• Look-aheads usually help fantasy owners more than look-backs, and here's one to consider for Sunday: Milwaukee's base stealers. The Brewers are second in the NL in steals since the All-Star Break (trailing just the Willy Taveras-led Rockies), and Chris Young, San Diego's starting pitcher, might be the easiest guy to run on in the league. Heck, when Young last worked in Milwaukee (late in 2007), Prince Fielder stole two bases. Use this info as you see fit.

• Sticking with the look-ahead theme, some possible streamers for Sunday in no particular order: John Lannan at Atlanta (look at the Braves lineup); Glen Perkins versus Detroit (tough assignment, but home cooking helps); Manny Parra against San Diego; and for the brave and crazy, Jorge De La Rosa, in Coors, against Houston (hey, he's pitching well, and I don't trust Wandy Rodriguez on the road).

• Speed Round: Fives were wild for Andre Ethier, who also clubbed his 20th homer in the rout of Arizona. Looks like he's intent on blowing his cover for 2009 . . . Rajai Davis got a lot done in just two innings Friday, all things considered . . . It's been 10 years since Toad the Wet Sprocket broke up. I'm still a little sad about that . . . Two more hits for Jeff Keppinger, swinging nicely and producing in the No. 2 slot, between Chris Dickerson and Brandon Phillips . . . If you trusted Bronson Arroyo's strikeout-walk rate and ignored the other stuff, you've been rewarded with a pretty nifty second half (seven wins, 50 strikeouts, 3.13 ERA). He gets his first 2008 start against Milwaukee next week . . . Mike Aviles is 6-for-15 since he took a pitch off his finger, so no one worry here . . . Derek Lowe is still money at home, Francisco Liriano's reinvention tour continues to hum (a season-high nine strikeouts), and Josh Beckett's return at Texas went very smooth . . . Nightly hockey cooler: Matt Romig's Big Board is fresh out of the oven . . . Romig's presence in the San Francisco yard Friday night apparently helped his beloved Buccos: Zach Duke spun a six-hit shutout, Ryan Doumit lashed four hits, and Pittsburgh rolled to an easy victory.

• Anthony Reyes left his Friday start in the fourth inning due to a tight elbow; he had some problems getting loose prior to the start. He was ahead 2-0 at the time and the Indians went on to cruise to an easy victory, so it's a shame he couldn't continue.  "It was just a little stiff," Reyes told the AP. "I thought it would loosen up, it just never did. I'm just being careful and decided to give it a break today." It was a better night for his battery mate; Victor Martinez made his return to the catching spot and went 2-for-3 with a pair of walks, scoring twice and knocking in one.

• An extra tip Andy Behrens wanted to throw out to the masses - make sure you're giving a good look to waived players when you're hunting free agents. The quality of drops often increases at this time of year; sometimes it's a category-driven thing, or perhaps the opposing owner thinks can use the free-agent wire as a temporary stash area because half the league isn't paying attention. Be sure to give this list a regular audit. (I missed Randy Winn in the Y! Friends & Family League just the other day.)

• Handshakes and near-misses: Brad Lidge (34) doesn't blow saves in 2008, as you know. His scoreless frame followed another eight-inning beauty from Brett Myers, and just like that, the Phillies are just two back of the Mets . . . B.J. Ryan (27) wasn't perfect, but he was good enough in back of Doc Holliday . . . Everyone in the Florida bullpen did their job, with Matt Lindstrom getting the glory stat in the 11th. Chris Perez took the rap on the other side, blowing his second straight save on a Mike Jacobs homer . . . CC Sabathia was in line for another win but he just went seven against San Diego, and Eric Gagne coughed up the lead in the eighth . . . Brian Fuentes (27) continues to remind us why so much of the pre-deadline trade talk is misleading and utterly worthless. Quietly, the Rockies are hanging around . . . J.J. Putz (11) didn't strike anyone out, but he retired three of four and secured the Morrow victory.

• Brad Evans is trying out for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers Saturday, so I'll be your Weekly Rundown host this week. Do not go gentle into this good Rotisserie night - there's still time to catapult some teams in the standings.

The Cubs manager started the week with five straight home losses, had to deal with ominous news concerning their top two starting pitchers and they just lost to Cincinnati — their sixth straight — 10-2.

Thing is, Piniella almost didn't make it to Cincinnati for the ugly start to this series. Electing to drive from Chicago on Friday morning instead of fly, Piniella and Cubs coach/chaffeur Matt Sinatro missed a turn south and ended up near the Pennsylvania border before realizing their big boo-boo. 

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall when Piniella woke up from his nap and realized that Sinatro was pointing the car toward the Pirates instead of the Reds. (But given the Cubs' 14-4 record against Pittsburgh this year, could you blame him?)

From the Chicago Tribune:

"We stopped at one of the (gas) stations along the way, and I bought a map to see exactly where we were," Piniella said. "And we realized we were in the opposite end of the state ...

They worked their way back toward Columbus in the middle of the state, navigating across rain-slicked, two-lane roads ...

"Let me tell you: I wanted to get my mind off baseball for a little bit, I sure as heck did," Piniella said.

For what it's worth, the article says the duo was relying on printed-out directions from — ahem — Google Maps. Next time, they might want to give Yahoo! Maps a try.

Or maybe just join the rest of the world and spring for a GPS.  (Piniella muttering and swearing at the GPS lady? Now that would be a sight.)

Atta girl!

Now before you start firing off "sexist lowlife" emails; no disrespect intended. Quite the contrary. I'm proud that LPGA Tour commissioner Carolyn Bivens finally saw things my way -- at least to a degree.

She announced Friday that LPGA players no longer would be suspended -- prevented from earning a living -- if they could not converse proficiently in English with the guys who pay a bit of cheese every week to participate in the pro-ams.

As I said earlier, the policy as originally reported by Golfweek mag was the dumbest edict in sports history. It also was racist -- or xenophobic, at minimum -- because it targeted a specific group of professional athletes strictly because of their nationality.

It was, without question, un-American.

In the days after the proposed policy became public, Bivens did a terrible job defending it. She failed to understand that while even I (and many others) could support an effort to provide the game's 121 international players from 26 nations (many of them Asian; three of the year's four majors were won by Asian players) with the resources and encouragement to learn English, it was wrong to drop them from the tour if they failed to be able to chair it up with the pro-am suits.

"We are asking that they demonstrate a basic level of communication in English at tournaments in the United States in situations that are essential to their job as a member of the LPGA Tour," Bivens told players in a memo.

Funny me. I thought their "job" was to play golf.

(I've played in pro-ams where my English-speaking, 100 percent American pro wasn't exactly friendly. They essentially used the rounds as practice for the tournaments, spending most of the time charting the course with their caddies. Would the LPGA suspend them for being, uh, unsocial jerks?)

Some even saw the proposed English-only policy as potentially criminal. Lawmakers from California were considering legislation making the policy illegal.

Thankfully, it did not come to that.

The policy was questioned on many fronts. Members of the PGA Tour (not exactly a breeding ground for gender equality) scratched their heads. So did players such as Lorena Ochoa, the LPGA's bright star, a Mexican.

But I'm willing to venture the clincher came from one of the LPGA's own sponsors.  A State Farm insurance spokesperson said publicly the company was "dumbfounded" by the proposed policy.

End of policy. (I guess non-English speakers buy insurance, too.)

Perhaps the biggest disappointment in this mess was that it was all about trying to pacify a few guys in suits. I'm sure some of those guys complained that they "got stuck" playing with an international player rather than someone who chatted them up like they were the best-looking guys at the bar.

Sadly, the LPGA caved to those piggish whiners with this ill-conceived policy.

And despite my glee that the penalities have been taken off the table, Bivens did not go far enough. She said "fines" would remain an option.

Again, whether the sanction is a suspension or a fine, it's stupid.

Bivens simply should stand strong with her right-thinking sponsors -- like State Farm and other companies, many of them multinational -- and say the LPGA strongly will encourage its players to learn English and provide the resources to help them do so (courses, tapes, tutors, etc.). But it will not prevent its players from competing on the tour (suspension), nor take away their hard-earned winnings (fines), if they can't be loquacious in pro-ams.

As a matter of fact, how about this: Why not ban the suits from pro-ams if they don't make the effort to learn at least five words or terms -- "hello," "nice to meet you," "nice shot," "your honors," "what club did you use?" and "it was great to play with you" -- in the language of their player/host? Or maybe the LPGA could provide cheat sheets to the pro-am guys in the language of their player/host?

Nah. That would not have been fair. Or smart.

AFP/Getty Images

• You know, it realy is a shame this guy isn't the Thunder's new mascot. His attention to detail is impressive.
• Steve Martin, Harold Miner, a topless Chris Mulllin, and Jordan in a fake mustache — old school Nike commercials were the best.
• Hey, Rod, look at the floorboard; you'll see three pedals. From left to right, they are: gas, brake, clutch. Or is it clutch, brake, gas? Crap. Forget I said anything. Take a long nap. You deserve it.
• Berry Tramel and I are dumb. The best nickname in the league is Timberwolves. Case closed.
• My go-to H-O-R-S-E moves include throwing it from behind my back and in, a reverse 360 spinning lay-up, and bouncing it in off my head ala Nash. David Kalb would crush me.
• Does anyone like the new OKC nickname, logo and colors? Don't all put your hands up at once.
• The words coming out Travis Outlaw's mouth are a tad confusing.
• Dwyer cares that Vince Carter doesn't care what Phil Jackson thinks. I think.
• According to Wikipedia, Calcium is essential for living organisms, particularly in cell physiology, where movement of the calcium ion Ca2+ into and out of the cytoplasm functions as a signal for many cellular processes. So ... yeah. Go us!
• Michael Jordan smokes, American Cancer Society burns, readers sigh.
• You'd be amazed by how many people thought Michael Phelps actually signed with the Miami Heat. That tells you all you need to know about the Heat's roster.

OK, that's enough. Enjoy the weekend, friends, and I'll see you on the red carpet, LeBron.

At the beginning of every baseball and football season, I roll out the "What's In My Wallet" piece, a tally sheet of the players I hoarded this year. Sometimes there are home runs (Nate McLouth 2008, Frank Gore 2006), sometimes there are crash landings (Felix Hernandez 2007, Skip Hicks 1999), and sometimes the verdict lies in the middle (Andre Johnson, 2007).

For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, most of the guys below will define the success of my season (unless I hit a bunch of blackjacks in free agency, which I will of course try to do): 

The 20 players I selected the most this summer, in order of frequency:

• Kevin Walter: Locked in with his QB and generally won't get the opponent's best coverage. Modest ADP makes him priced for profit. 

• Tim Hightower: Already has goal-line responsibility and I have no long-term faith in Edgerrin James. Actually, I have no short-term faith in James, either. 

• Matt Forte: Set-up worries me but he's an every-down guy.

• Seahawks Defense: Especially nasty at home and they get some weak opponents to pick on.

• Chris Cooley: I'm worried about the set-up, but never about him.

• Josh Morgan: Someone will go 75-1000-8 here, maybe it's Morgan, though general rookie WR skepticism applies. He was free in most leagues so if I need to drop him early in the year, no big deal.

• Jaguars Defense: It's a context position and I expect them to win the division.

• Randy Moss: I fell in the middle of a lot of drafts, and I'd rather take Moss than drop a level at RB.

• Eli Manning: Was surprisingly affordable all summer, you could almost name your own price. I am not saying he's an elite quarterback, just a solid one.

• Jamal Lewis: A lot of the picks came before the August crash, but I still see a safe floor here.

• Ryan Longwell: Defense and run-based offense sets up a nice baseline.

• Donovan McNabb: He's still great when he plays and Andy Reid will always call a ton of pass plays.

• Wes Welker: If he keeps 85-90 percent of last year it's an easy profit.

• Jerious Norwood: Clueless old staff is done, new regime should use him liberally.

• Bryant Johnson: See Josh Morgan. I'll bet on these guys, you take the field in San Francisco.

• Ladell Betts: Just one Clinton Portis ding away from being pretty valuable, and he was dirt cheap everywhere. Remember the run in 2006?

• Leon Washington: Trusting that the Jets will finally start using him properly.

• Jerricho Cotchery: You had to pay the reach price here, and a couple of times I did just that.

• Earnest Graham: The 2007 run passed the eye test, and no one behind him thrills me.

• Justin Gage: Take his second-half numbers and multiply by two? Okay, that's a best-case scenario, but by default he's the best target here.

Kind of an uninspiring lot, but make of it what you will. And hopefully you have Kevin Walter and Tim Hightower, I guess.

A few other personal lists:

Players I own a few times, but I wish it were a lot more

• Brandon Marshall: The over/under is "Pro Bowl trip." And I'll still take the over.

• Jay Cutler: It's such a deep man crush I don't know if I can be rational about him.

• Ricky Williams: Time-warp summer, he looks five years younger. Honest.

• Kenny Watson: I have no long-term faith in Chris Perry, and Watson proved himself last year.

• Ray Rice: Is he big enough to be a primary guy in this year? I'm curious. Every time I watch Rice play, he does something impressive (same with Steve Slaton).

• Braylon Edwards: Watching him score all those Maize and Blue touchdowns, I knew I was hooked for life.

• Tony Romo: Impossible not to like.

• Chris Johnson: Must-see TV every week.

• Rashard Mendenhall: Just to frost my buddy Big Noise, though I sniped him Wednesday night. I'm not overreacting to two fumbles, let's just hope it doesn't come up in September (ditto for Hightower). 

Notable guys I purposely avoided (and never drafted)

• Jason Campbell: Still foggy in the pocket, and a new offense just about every year doesn't help with the learning curve. Yeah, the Auburn WCO experience was good, but that was so long ago.

• Darren McFadden: Track speed does not a football player make.

• Larry Johnson: Love the player, hate his surroundings. Also wonder how he'll handle the 4-12 train wreck they're headed for.

• Willis McGahee: Nicked up, offensive line has fallen off, new scheme to learn. I don't think he's going to age well. 

• Josh Brown: Kicker value is more about teams and less about talent. You want to invest in the Rams, be my guest.

• Rudi Johnson: Not hard to connect the dots on this one. 

• I also took Ronnie Brown once, back in May for a magazine, and never repeated it.

Guys I wish I owned, but don't

• Vikings Defense: Price was never reasonable but man they look legit.

• Calvin Johnson: Buzz made him unaffordable.

• Marshawn Lynch: Stunned I never got him; Buffalo got kinda trendy. 

• Marion Barber: No one is more fun to watch, though the seek-contact style is a little worrisome.

• Antonio Bryant: Still FA-available here and there, I guess.

So that's my story. Who did you hitch up to, and avoid, this summer?

But let's be honest: by "game of the week" standards, this is not exactly the heavyweight fight it looked like two years ago. When its the focal point of the weekend, though, sometimes the hype and anticipation can distort reality. I talked today to a Florida who said, incredibly, "I'm beginning to get a little worried about Miami," until I reminded him that he was talking about a quarterback duel between the Tebow Child and Robert Marve. Miami still looks the part -- the 'U', the size, the speed and all that -- but it's still rolling out a dozen freshmen on the two-deep, eight of them on defense, and a quarterback who's never taken a snap in a real college game against probably the best individual player, best overall offense and maybe the best all-around team in the country. On the road, in a madhouse of a stadium where Urban Meyer's teams are 20-1. A 45-point win over Charleston Southern is impressive in its way, but come on.

That said, I do expect Miami to make a little noise and keep it within reach into the second half, mainly by landing body blows. The Cane offensive line is massive, averaging over 320 pounds from tackle to tackle with a couple sophomores, Orlando Franklin and Joel Figueroa, tipping in over 330, plenty of muscle to try to establish a consistent running game with Javarris James and Graig Cooper and bleed the clock down. Marve is in the worst possible environment to be taking his first snaps; the worst thing that can happen for Miami is to fall behind early, put its young quarterback in a position where he must make a play but makes a mistake instead, and everything snowballs from there. If UM can't make first downs and keep Tebow off the field -- big problems for the offense the last two years -- it could get ugly quickly.

But Florida matches or beats Miami for raw talent across the board, and easily bests the Canes in experience and big play ability on offense -- not that anybody necessarily compares to Percy Harvin, shaved heel be damned, but Miami doesn't have anyone who even comes close to the category at this nascent stage of their careers. The Canes can take a step forward here, but only if they keep their heads up when it becomes obvious they can't keep up on the scoreboard.
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Florida 37, Miami 19

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Photo of Tebow and Urban Meyer via US Presswire.

If you're like most men, you've probably fantasized at some point about some of the wholesome, family-friendly ways that you might employ an innocent, humble, fully clothed USC Song Girl. On cold nights alone on the couch, you may have thought, 'I wonder if the Song Girls knitted their own sweaters? I wish they were here to knit something for my great aunt's anniversary.' On long bus rides, you've no doubt let your mind wander into that ubiquitous daydream, 'I wish the Song Girls were here to help me think of a six-letter word for 'ancient Mediterranean warrior.'' At church socials, you've yearned, 'If only a Song Girl could be here to help me choose between the subtle textures of Jeremiah Papaya and Rocky Road to Damascus.'

Well, young man, your clean, completely platonic dreams have come true, thanks to Busted Coverage, which unearthed the contract to rent a Song Girl for a mere $150 per girl. Why, imagine the possibilities! After your request is approved, these cheerful and upstanding ladies will do anything that pops into your well-groomed little head, from serving potato kugel at bar mitvahs to taking up tickets at charity bake-offs to performing Bible Camp skits based on the Book of Leviticus. There are no limits to what a sober, respectful mind might find for a Song Girl to do! So hire a Song Girl today -- I bet they're even more virtuous up close (but not too close)!

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Photo of the lovely and talented USC Song Girls via US Presswire. And if you're really like most men, first of all, shame on you. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

That'll do it for this week. Sprint Cup Chase thread coming Saturday for the big evening race at Richmond. On Sunday, no posts -- go kiss your families goodbye, because by then it'll be Chase time. Seeya!